Ode to Vanessa and Andy

There cannot be anything more joyous nor reflective of God’s love for us than a wedding. Family members fly in from afar as do friends, conversations flow like and with wine, memories copiously pour out, and old relationships rekindle. The vibe is electric, happiness is the metaphor. It would be next to impossible not to smile—not to smile when eternal vows are proclaimed and a kiss seals Love in God’s name. Let the magic begin…

It’s like the big game you anxiously await while pacing in the locker room, but then you remember, “Wait, we’re going to win.” Because the wedding always wins…

When Andy asked me to be the officiate of his and Vanessa’s wedding, initially I did not think, “Really? Me?” Rather, I thought, “Yes, that makes sense, and that would be awesome!” Andy and I have seen a lot together…our friendship began at a baseball Pony League all-star team party at the Lassiter’s. We were playing ping-pong against each other, and somehow we found out we were both Nebraska football fans—not entirely a rarity in Southern California, but a strong coincidence nonetheless. And so we played ping-pong for what seemed like forever as we talked about our love for Nebraska. It was obvious Andy knew a lot more than I did, and that sparked my desire to become even a more faithful Big Red devotee. His dad was from Lincoln, and my mom from Norfolk, and for any Nebraskan, or descendant of one, on the West Coast, that is enough to know that you could be best friends. But when I think back on that night, I really can’t remember when that ping-pong game ended…and distantly it reminds me of the photo of the night Andy and Vanessa met, the infamous 4AM pic that I talked about in my monologue, the one I posted with this entry. When the Steinbeckian conversation erupts, its flow cannot be stopped…

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I was nervous in the “wait, what am I supposed to do now?” sense when Andy and Vanessa first asked me to officiate their wedding, but then I remembered my good friend Steve had been asked by our friends Tony and Loni to perform their wedding. And he did a brilliant job. Of course, part of Steve’s job now is to interview the president, and mine is to babysit high school kids, so no pressure…but as my mom told me the day before the wedding, “Just remember, they’re not going to be looking at you anyway. They are going to be looking at Vanessa (sorry Andy).” But you really don’t want to screw up someone’s big day, and you want to make it as special as possible. I would sit at home and type some phrases up just to keep what I was going to say on my mind, but I really didn’t know the format. It wasn’t until Vanessa and Andy came over and we rehearsed the ceremony until I felt somewhat comfortable. Even then, I still didn’t know what to say—what do say to try to capture the beautiful moment for two beautiful people? So I prayed on it, tested a couple monologue jokes on my students that got shut down pretty quickly, and then decided to e-mail a friend who is a pastor/role model to me, ask for his blessing and he wrote back, “You’ll do great. Speak from the heart.” At first I thought it was a bit cliché, but then I remembered that he’s probably done a lot of weddings in his day. And then I thought about what my mom said, and she was right, “They weren’t going to be looking at me.” And so I decided it was time to speak from the heart, write some stuff down, and remember that I was only so fortunate to be asked to help celebrate the most precious and beautiful thing we have been blessed with on Earth, and that is Love. And even more special than that, I would get to be up there with my two friends as they celebrated their Love in front of all those dearest to them. And I couldn’t think of anything more awesome.

It dawned on me at one point that there may be two people a little more nervous than I, and maybe I should stop being selfish, because again as Mom said, “They aren’t going to be looking at you.” And so I remembered that I was supposed to be the calming force, so why not do something silly like pull out a camera in the middle of the ceremony and take a self-photo with the bride and groom. And I thought this feeling was similar to coaching. There have been big games when I have had to go off on my own an hour before the game, take a bunch of deep breaths, say a prayer, and then get going with what has to be done…it is two hours before the ceremony and I am pacing like a mad man, and doing some yoga breathing to calm myself. But then I keep reminding myself, “This is going to be a lot of fun—this is a wedding. This is about them.”

One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard a male friend of mine say to me happened sometime on the day of the wedding…but I really don’t remember when. It was when Andy told me, “D, just remember to slow down when you are reading, because I want to be able to take all of this in. I know it’s going to go by so quickly, and I just want to be able to remember it all.” I think we always think of the male as being the lucky one to get the beautiful bride. And this is true. I know Vanessa, and I know she is patient and adoring of one of my best friends. The Schwindt Family will all say they knew right away she was the one, and I did, too. And the picture I put with this (stolen from Facebook) does not lie. The omniscient lens captured Love in its most proper essence—the neverending conversation, the companionship of two people discussing everything without any fear of what’s beyond them…such a magical moment. But when the male says, “Slow down because I want to take everything in,” I think that is Love, and that is a beautiful thing.

As we were driving from the hotel over to the Ebell for the wedding, Andy’s friend Tom said, “I think weddings had to be invented by males, because look at us—all we’ve been doing is watching Tosh.0 and movies in the hotel room, and then we throw our tuxedoes on, and the girls spend all day getting ready.” And there is a lot of truth behind this. It is truly magical when the bride walks in. I am not so much the traditionalist or the materialist, and I think weddings should equally celebrate the two’s union into one, yet the anticipation of seeing the breathtaking bride walk up the aisle—well, I wondered if I would be able to handle it as the officiate, because I knew how much it meant to my friend. I knew how nervous, excited nervous, he was to see her in her dress for the first time because he said so, he really couldn’t wait. We rehearsed his vows five minutes before the ceremony started, and he stumbled over one, very briefly, but he wanted to get everything right. And that is a beautiful thing.

Before the wedding, it was awesome to get to see my friend interact with his nephew. It was Andy’s biggest day, yet his concern for children was still there. I know in some months my friend will become a great father, and Vanessa will be a wonderful mother. I see it in the way I mentioned in the monologue, I see how she transforms him; and I’ve seen it in him. Andy and I coached baseball together—the first time I coached varsity baseball, the sport I love, and it was with him. And he helped me so much, and I learned so much from him, and his players loved him (in fact, I think some of them from that ’03 team were supposed to crash the wedding, but I didn’t see them), and this is a beautiful thing. And so when I see Andy and Vanessa interact with kids, it is wonderful, because it reminded me that a wedding is a celebration of all; all our focused on the two in the spotlight, but everyone is a part of the Love. So how could one not love a wedding—it is entirely beautiful.

I often get upset when I hear that males are not really wanting to partake in the planning or are not as into weddings as the female. To me that is counterintuitive. Weddings embody the most important traditional ceremonial revelry of the relationship, how could you not want to be part of it? And both were there all the way—and that is a beautiful thing. In all the planning that was going on, I did not hear Andy nor Vanessa complain about duties or anything like that. It was Love all the way, as it should be…

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Years back my friend Tony proposed to his lovely wife Loni by sending her on a scavenger hunt to various locations that had meant something in their relationship to that point. Tony asked me to be one of the stops on her destination to him, and I gladly obliged. I remember leaving at 3PM to get to Santa Clarita by 530PM (a drive that takes 45 minutes without traffic) and I ended up getting to my location at 630PM because of 405 and 5 traffic. I freaked out of course because I thought I was going to ruin the whole thing. But Tony adjusted, and I met Loni at a restaurant, handed her a bag, and she was on her way. But I remember sitting in the restaurant and being so excited, waiting for her to walk in. She knew what was going on at that point, and the smile on her face is something I’d never forget. And the hug I gave her when she walked out was an embrace full of so much love, Tony’s included. We should all be so fortunate in life to be able to share the Love between each other—it echoes the Love God shows for us and wants us to radiate.

How great it was after before and after the wedding, too, to hug Andy’s parents, who are like second parents’ to me. We have gone to and watched many Nebraska games together, stayed in hotels together, shared many meals…they saw Andy and I play many baseball games together growing up. To feel the embrace and thanks of extended family—awe-inspiring. And then to get a hug from my parents after the ceremony—my parents who have gone through way too much in the past couple of years, yet still manage to be there for me, always. To be able to perform once again in front of them…I should only think that Heaven would be similar. These are the moments that warm our hearts and give us a shield to the sometimes cold that is thrown our ways. And these are images we should either capture in our minds or on film, for they define an eternal smile. Andy’s words to slow down so they could take in the fleeting moments are words we should listen to all the time…

And I thought about this weekend again—how great it was to be able to partake in the most precious thing we have. We are all lucky to have friends and family who want us to share in their love. I consider myself fully blessed to have been asked to officiate my friends’ wedding, for it is something I will never forget and I will always keep close to my heart.

Here is my “monologue” that I wrote the night before Vanessa and Andy’s wedding—it came straight from the heart, straight from my love to celebrate theirs on their special day. Again, how fortunate we are in life to celebrate such wonderful things. Thank you, Andy and Vanessa, for letting me, and everyone, share in your Love…it shall always continue to be wonderful.



We don’t equate rain with wedding days, but why shouldn’t we? Rain allows the beautiful flowers to grow, flowers that symbolize love, friendship, and peace. Rain is like the tears of joy that some of us will shed, or are shedding right now. I’m sorry that those of you who came from different parts of the country expecting beautiful SoCal weather got this, but it’s okay. Today is not just a celebration of today, but of all the days Andy and Vanessa have spent together, rain or shine, and will spend together on their beautiful journey. Today is a celebration of all of our love for them, their love for all of us, and of course, their love for each other. Today is a beautiful day.

There is a picture on Facebook of Andy and Vanessa, taken at her friend Keri’s house in Hermosa Beach—this picture was taken on the night Andy and Vanessa met. The caption reads, “It’s like 4AM at this point and these two are chatting like it’s Sunday afternoon.” Well close, it was Sunday morning, I presume in the after-hours of a Saturday night house party. I think there are some adult beverages in the foreground of the picture from a night of revelry, and in the back of the picture, but the highlight of it all, Andy looks so relaxed sitting next to Vanessa, and Vanessa is sitting with her perfect posture, eyes glued on Andy. This was the first time they met, and it was beautiful. The first time I saw this picture I sensed an energy radiating from it. Call it hokie, but I really did feel that energy, and that is love. It’s a timeless photo, capturing that first conversation that locked in this day today, rain or shine. Where the rest of the party is in this picture at this point, nobody knows, but the two lovebirds in the photo could probably care less, because they have that connection, and that is a beautiful thing.

Okay, now…you know I couldn’t go through my monologue without mentioning Nebraska football—but I promise you, this is going somewhere. So one of my first encounters with Vanessa and Andy together was again in that magical place, Hermosa Beach, at a restaurant/bar called The Shore. It’s where are the SoCal Nebraska fans (or Californians for Nebraska) gather to watch Husker games. Vanessa, being the great love of Andy’s life that she is, had her red on—well done…so she won my heart. Nebraska lost that day to Virginia Tech in heartbreaking fashion, so of course, Andy a rabid Husker fan, was heartbroken. Or maybe I was, or maybe both of us were. We ended up meeting back up with the two of them about 15 minutes after the game, back at the house at which they met the very first time. And what was this? Andy was social, and charming, and laughing? What magical powers did this girl Vanessa possess that could change a rabidly upset college football fan into Andy “I love the girl more than Nebraska” Schwindt? I was impressed, Vanessa.

I was also impressed a couple months later when the Schwindt family, Andy, Vanessa, and myself trekked down to San Diego to watch Nebraska play Arizona in the Holiday Bowl. Now this must have made all of us nervous, because of course Andy is a Nebraska fan, and Vanessa an Arizona alum and fan. Now I wasn’t really worried what would happen if Nebraska won, because I knew Vanessa would have the grace to handle it. But if Arizona won…who knows? Nebraska won 33-0, and poor Vanessa—she had to endure a game’s worth of high fives, fist pumps, and oh yeah…it was raining the whole game, too. But what I remember most from that night was just how much fun all of us had, and how good of a sport Vanessa was through all of it. We stayed down in San Diego that night, got dinner, and stayed up late cracking jokes, and just having a good time, like we all are here to do tonight, celebrating these two beautiful people.

My point is is that these small differences in preference we all might have in relationships are insignificant. When there is that “talk till 4AM in the morning” connection, what trifling circumstance could possibly get in the way of love? The sun will shine some days, some days it will not; I have seen Andy and Vanessa together enough times to know they are deeply in love, and that their love is enough to keep them eternally warm through everything. I see the way Andy adores Vanessa—he is playful, youthful, and lovey-dovey in that “I don’t care who sees it and makes fun of me” way. And I see the same from Vanessa, and I see her patience, her composure, and her “I’m going to lean my head into his chest always” blind adoration of Andy. And this is a beautiful thing. This is what we celebrate…a reflection of God’s love, or the great life force that surrounds us—that positive energy we feed off today as we see these two beautiful people celebrate marriage, and the journey that took them to today, and will take them past today into eternity.